10 steps to getting fucked.


SO, YOUR HOTNESS is only rivaled by how good you are in the sac. Your shit don’t stink and your dick is the badest boy on the block; everybody knows it because nobody puts it down like you. Yet the last time you go got laid, was the night your baby was conceived. But before you give in to temptation, give my easy tricks a try.

*I* Please for the love of Eros stop whining about how little you’ve been fucking lately- contrary to common belief, by sticking to the whining tactic, the only action you will end up with is with your hand plus a night with a turned off, angry woman.

*II* Unless being begged for sex is a turn-on to her or you are aiming for the pity sex jackpot, Please guys, please I beg you: leave the begging to your dog. Women want a rugged, strong man and you know Wolverine doesn’t beg for pussy.

*III* There is more to your wife than her pussy. I know you know that. She knows you know that. But the point is that she needs to be reminded that you need and see her as more than a diaper changer, hump buddy or cum toilet. Take the time to take her out, compliment the color of her hair, how smart she is, etc... Appreciate the little things she does and you are sure to get rewarded. Stroke her ego and ye dick shall receive.

*IV* To get your wife to open her mouth and spread her legs, you need to open your heart and spread your ears. Yes, your wife needs your help and advice; but the truth is, like most women, she doesn’t want it. Yes, women are difficult. But all we want from you when we are going through an emotional turmoil and boring you to death about the new bitch with the fake tits in the office or stuck up mom at the park who talks to everyone but us, all we want from you is to:
*Listen and nod
*Empathize and agree
*Tell your wife you dislike the bitch too; then silently ponder if her co-worker's ass matches her tits and just how far you could stick up the milf.

*V* Lighten-up a woman’s load and she is more likely to (want to) give you that “hello stranger I never met before” fuck you enjoy so much. Women appreciate corny stuff just as much as they find fat babies cute. So, use this need for “aw!” to your advantage. Copy a poem you’ve found online and pass it off as your ode to her, take out the trash without her urging and put the kids to bed while she takes a bath or enjoy a quick relaxation. Your cock and pride will thank you later.

*VI* If your partner enjoys being constantly groped while she cleans, changes diapers and slaves over a hot stove, more power to her and by all means, grope away. But we all know that your woman ain’t one of those gems. So, refrain from the hand assaults as much as you can. Instead, caress her leg and smile at her, Massage her shoulders and ask if she is okay or just brush her hair back with your finger and gaze into the eyes you fell in love with.

*VII* At least 24 hours prior to the exact time you want to engage in enjoyable sexual activities, refrain from arguing with your wife. A great TV doctor once said “A man can either be right or he can be happy.” I think he was speaking from experience.

*VIII* Just because a woman doesn’t give you any does not mean that she doesn’t get horny. Like you, your spouse needs to know that you still find her as beautiful and attractive as the day you first met. Tell, email, twit, text, just how hot she is and how big of a hard on her sight gives you. Every time I walk towards my husband, I am excited to reach him because he kisses me on the lips and whispers in my ear “Are you naked or am I seeing through your clothes. I just want to fuck you right now.” Sometimes, all he says is “You are giving me such a hard on.” It just makes me want to bend over right then and there and suck it!

*IX* Be a man and do it right. If you can’t fuck her right to save your life, find out how/what she likes and watch porn geared toward women; then perfect what you have learned, then apply it!

*X* Be creative and surprise her. The worse thing than a woman scorned is a sexually frustrated woman because if you don’t satisfy her needs, the likelihood of you getting more from her, frankly, are slim to none.

You might be thinking, but Lolita, why waste so much energy to get laid if I can get my dick waxed somewhere else, no strings attached? Well, you tell me because frankly, I don’t know. But as a woman, it is nice to know that the man I love is willing to "fight" to get some from me the way he used to when we were dating.



took note

Lolita said...

BC, I hope you'll practice what you learned too :D
And when you do, please let me know how it went?

In the Moment said...

Been there, did that... this post was well written, but a bit disappointing, but maybe only for me. For some people it might have merit, and some good reminders, as there are a lot of guys who do little or nothing and expect to be getting nailed right after the lights go out - this could provide some hope and encouragement to them. Whatever I did, and believe me, I did laundry, never left a toilet seat up in my life, sent notes, flowers, arranged dates, did the grocery shopping - and I made a point never to whine. And I did it to so that I could be an equal partner in the running of the household. I never did it to get laid. I don't want to be mercy fucked, please shoot me first.

For all my efforts, I just wanted to share time with her. Maybe I ceased being a man to her, though I did stay working out, and staying in shape, I played golf with my buddies, so it wasn't like I was neutering myself just to get her to play with my peepee... When and if she did spread her legs, I was more likely to be rewarded with the sound of the furnace kicking in than me taking up any kind of short term residence there... She wasn't a bad person, a lesbian or anything of the kind. She didn't want or need sex. She never had a toy, or interest in them, and I can honestly say, that in her 48.5 years on the planet, she has probably never masturbated. Our attempt at wedded togetherness crashed and burned almost a decade ago...

So for all your counsel - it might work for some. I have given up on finding anyone. I tried, I really did. My butt got tired, and at the tender age of 51 - I think that life on my own is safer, and saner. I am glad that there are women like you, and I pray to everything that is sacred that your man treasures you, it sounds as if he does. Too bad that there aren't more of you to go around. Keep up the great blogging... you are a unique and talented woman, and your creativity and method of expression are fabulous. Good luck in the future

Anonymous said...

Great advice! thanks! :D

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