My reflection


I SAW MYSELF reflected in the mirror and couldn’t believe how eight years could have flown by so fast but most shocking is, how I have grown from a girl into a woman, a wife and a mother. I saw myself reflected in the mirror and I smiled and I was proud.
I still remember the black shirt, the light blue jeans and mustard yellow Timberland boots D. wore the first time I met him in our High School guidance counselor’s office. I still remember the first time we kissed, made love to each other, dated, got married, moved into our first apartment, cried and laughed when we got pregnant, held our children for the first time, opened our hair salon and welcomed our first costumer in. I still remember the good times we had and although we have issues, problems, fights and disputes, at first try, at least at this very moment, I cannot bring up bad memories from this marriage, this family.
Reflected in my bathroom mirror is a 9 year old 24 year old woman. A woman struggling to find herself, yet knows herself enough to put her needs into words, into fulfillments; a woman who works hard to reach her dreams. There are days when I am afraid to grow up, afraid to grow old, wither and die with a life half lived. Days when I wish I could get a do-over pass and go back in my past and be a baby, a toddler or even a teenager again… But then it hits me and reality sets in, on the road I am traveling, there are no u-turns and unfortunately, no GPS to carefully guide and monitor my next move. The mistakes and rights I will ever make will be mine, they will be me.
As an adult, as a woman, as Lolita, I try my best to work hard, take care of my children and make my marriage work. I wake up every morning to do the right thing to make my children’s future brighter, roadblocks free. I raise them to be stronger than their mother, better than their mother. I have my ups, my downs and even my not so nice blahs. But when I saw myself reflected in the unlit bathroom mirror this morning, I looked deep into the flawed yet beautiful person, the battered but not broken girl that I once was, with compassion, with love I never felt for anyone before and it felt wonderful. I fell free. I accept myself for who I am. I accept me for who I am...

There is a lot of sexiness and freakiness going on around today. So, please stop by and comment on my favorite bloggers’ takes on our monthly 'May I seduce you' posts!

Pink Vixxxen
Ms Scarlett
Enchanted Mistress
Library Vixen
Adulterous Letch
And as always, our gracious Ringleader Kimberly


Aurore said...

I accept me for who I am...

That is the most important lesson we can learn.

Hubman said...

Aurore beat me to my comment...

Great post, I really enjoyed your contribution

Claire said...

Lovely post lol :)

Claire said...

Oh I could actually comment! bloomin heck

The Duchess said...

Love this post - it's absolutely beautiful.

Nothing Profound said...

Who is Lolita? A wild-eyed girl and a mature woman lusting for life.

autumn said...

acceptance of yourself is a truly wonderful thing. i'm so happy for you. beautiful post.

Enchanted Mistress said...

Someone who accepts themselves in their own skin is truly beautiful and so was this post.

Kimberly said...

Oh, this was just wonderful! Feeling that way about yourself is the most amazing gift! I think you really captured the wife/mother feelings that so many of us have but that are hard to put into words. Love it!

Topaz said...

Argh! Aurore! Yes, this like is 'the' lesson, isn't it? The strength you deliver in this post is powerful, through lines like 'battered, not broken'... great read, thank you.

Kate M said...

That was beautiful, Lolita. I glimpsed another side of you :)

Lolita V. said...

I am overwhelmed by your responses. I want to thank you all because I wrote from the heart (I'm sure it's full of mistakes, lol) and having you all here understand me is a wonderful feeling I can't explain. I have been trying hard to keep me out of this but like a cracked mirror, the rust is showing and it feels great to know that my imperfection doesn't make me weak in your eyes.
Thank you all.

Sam said...

Nice post :)

We are all our own worst critics at times, I look at myself in the mirror all the time and ask myself "what the f*ck am I doing here" or "What got me here?".
But would I take it all back given the chance? No. I believe that every path I take, every choice that I make will lead me to the same places in the end. Its all just a matter of when.

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