REMEMBER USHER'S SONG? The one we all rocked to and sang our hearts out to on the highway- even though everyone was looking at us like we were crazy but we didn't care because the lyrics rang so true? (Well at least I did). Since I first announced my divorce and left D., my life has taken turns that still leave me breathless, speechless and wondering when I'll stop threading water and feel solid ground under my feet and heart.
D. was very surprised the day I left with the kids for my parents. And because he loved me still and wanted me back, we talked and saw each other. At first, I didn't want to see or talk to him. But he persevered and as the anger and hurt I felt started wearing off, we poured our hearts out and decided to give it a second chance- not for our kids, not for our families or what the world would say/think (at least on my end). I knew it was too early but because I had so much faith in us, love him still and wanted more of our goodbye fuck (I know, goodbye fucks mess up everything,lol!), I returned home four days after I left him, our home and business.
We couldn't get our hands off of each other, fucking like we just met, gazing into each other's eyes and showering together. He insisted I sleep on him and held me until the sun rose (still does). Everything felt new again, like we just met, like we were on our honeymoon. The world was happy to see us back together and I was right where I fell in love again. 3 days later, after a fight that left me 110% hopeless when it came to our relationship, I left for my parents' house AGAIN! This time for good!
Or so I thought!
Yes, I came back. Our marriage is not perfect, but I am caught up in the love, the hate, the lust, the pain, the happiness, the children, the business and everything we've built and torn and rebuilt- regardless of how imperfect it is, I am caught in this life and I wish I wasn't but I am glad I am. I am glad this is my life, with the good, the bad, the ugly, the orgasms and realities that at the end of the day, I go home to a decent man who makes me cum like it's the last time we'll fuck and holds me tight until the sun rises the rest is just another day to get through- another day, I am thankful to see and feel.
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